Shane's Poetry & Stories 3
This poem was given to me by a dear
friend of my son's Angela Tidwell, wrote by her.
All alone i wonder why he took my dear friend before I could say goodbye.
I feel so lonely now because he is gone; he was mostly the one who helped me carry on.
He was like my big brother; he was like my best friend,
but now I'm all lonely because his life had to end.
I don't know why it had to end this way,
but I do think and wander about it everyday.
Ronald Shane Short was like my light;
He helped me see when things weren't right.
Now my world is cold and dark because he is gone-but ALWAYS IN MY HEART.
I have lots of memories; some good and some bad,
but when i think about my "pookie" it makes me nothing but sad.
I still can't understand why it had to be like this;
I feel like my world was sealed with a deadly kiss.
I have lots of pain deep in my heart;
but in my mind we were never apart.
I will always love Shane till the day that I die,
but I will never stop wondering what happened and why.
By: Angela R Tidwell August 12, 1995
A MOTHER'S GRIEF
There are many emotions we are hit with in life,
Grief is the hardest, filled with heart wrenching strife.
Nobody knows the worst grief, unless, they lose a child,
To never hear their voice again, never see their sweet sweet smile.
There is no hurt like it,there is no pain like a Mother's grief,
Knowing their child will never again come home, its beyond anyone's belief.
Some people will say with stone conviction, I know just how you feel,
This is just their ignorance speaking , though , for them, this isn't real.
They can't know the horrors we have seen, or the pain that fills our entire hearts and souls.
They can't even imagine the nightmares we have, None of this can they know.
They will say, " Get over it," " Get past," Get on with your life,"
They dont understand when they utter these things, they are only twisting the knife,
That has been thrust deep into our hearts, the second we were told,
Our child wasnt here anymore, they were now trodding on streets of gold.
Grief, an emotion so deep, it cant be explained, Some will never understand,
The ones that have their children close, will never comprehend.
Our minds race at all times, memories rushing through our brains so fast,
Of happy times, of loving times, of the time we saw them last.
Grief fills our hearts, what could we have done, what ifs, hows and whys,
We will never understand, receive any answers to our questions, all we can seem to do is sit and cry.
We sit at their graves for hours, seeking just 1 sign.
Wanting to know their spirit is with us, that they haven't left us behind.
We dream of them still here with us, and wake up so relieved,
For just a few minutes, we thought they were here, its been a nightmare we so want to believe.
But, then, we look around, and see their picture's surrounding us everywhere.
Reality hits and we know its all real, its truly the burden we now bear.
Every day we pray this will get easier, but, it never does or will,
We are trapped in our memories with them, we want everyone to remember them still.
But, life goes on for all but us, memories for others will fade and grow dim,
They won't all remember everything, as we do, a piece of our heart has been taken with them.
We wonder how other's lives can go on, when ours is stuck forever,
missing and longing for our child?
Never forgetting them for 1 second, every move, every word, every smile.
But, life must go on for others and we must understand.
Though they loved our angel so much, they cant always hold our hands.
To go on with their lives doesn't mean they didn't love, maybe just can't take anymore tears,
But they haven't forgotten completely, they will dwell on these memories for years.
But, for us Moms, it's different, we will truly never ever forget and
never do we want to forget , our precious babies and their fate.
That is why we build these sites to preserve and lock in time all these special dates.
One day we will all be together again, and websites and dates will cease to be.
In heaven we will dwell, with our loved one, this time for eternity.
By DJ French 3/26.06
Dont Weep for Me
Dont weep for me for cause Im not alone,
Im here with Jesus beside His throne.
I am not cold nor asleep.
Theres so many new people here in heaven to meet.
I love you and miss you and know you grieve for me,
But Im here,waiting for you,one day soon, reunited we will be.
We will soon be together forever, Jesus is making the plans.
He is coming to bring you home, to this beautiful land.
No tears,no sorrow,no pain is allowed in this heavenly home.
The blind can see, the deaf can hear, the crippled have new legs to roam.
No sadness exists in this city so fair,
No tears ever form in this land over here.
So, dont ever say good-bye
Just see you soon, here beyond the sky.
You see, Im happier than Ive ever been, since entering heaven's gates,
I miss you so much but for you, I will patiently wait.
We will never be separated again, together for eternity,
So be happy when you think of me,Please dont for me grieve.
See you soon, Shane
Written In Stone
Your gravestone finally arrived today,
That's what the voice on the phone had to say.
"Come check it over, make sure it's right,
and I will set it before tomorrow night."
I cannot begin to describe the shock that I felt,
When I laid my eyes on your stone, another blow was dealt.
Seeing your name, written boldly in stone,
My knees got weak, and I heard myself moan.
It is final now, you really did die,
The name on the stone is not a lie.
Denial has gotten me far in my life,
But I can't deny what is written in stone, my strife.
I had to run, and hide in the truck,
cause the tears are falling, and my heart has been struck.
That name that is written upon that stone,
is my beloved son, and yes, he is gone!
How many times can my heart be broken in two,
over and over, because I have lost you.
All I can think is "It's written in stone",
My son is gone, and I sit here alone.
I really didn't expect to feel this much emotion,
upon seeing your stone, and I wish for a potion,
to erase the wrenching torment I feel in my heart,
a pain I have become familiar with, since we have been apart.
"God,", I asked, "How much longer? How many more times,
must I feel this knife pierce my heart, live riddles and rhymes?
I know he is better off up there with you in heaven above,
but what do I do without the son that I love?"
I watched as the stone was placed on your grave,
And once again, I decided to be brave.
So I stuffed the heartache and pain deep inside,
with the rest of the feelings that I have to hide.
I told the caretaker, "It's a beautiful stone.",
as I stood there, I felt so horribly alone.
But my face did not show it, and that voice continued to intone,
You cannot deny it, it's written in stone.
written by Bonnie Atkinson
In loving memory of her son, Jonathan Ray Atkinson.
January 19, 1981- March 30, 2002
http://mysonjohn.com
A MOTHER'S GRIEF
You ask me how I'm feeling,
but do you really want to know?
The moment I try telling you,
You say you have to go.
How can I tell you,
what it's been like for me
I am haunted, I am broken
By things that you don't see.
You ask me how I'm holding up,
but do you really care?
The second I try to speak my heart,
You start squirming in your chair.
Because I am so lonely,
you see, no one comes around,
I'll take the words I want to say,
And quietly choke them down.
Everyone avoids me now,
Because they don't know what to say,
They tell me I'll be there for you,
then turn and walk away.
Call me if you need me,
that's what everybody said,
But how can I call you and scream into the phone,
My God, my child is dead?
No one will let me
say the words I need to say,
Why does a mothers grief
scare everyone away?
I am tired of pretending
as my heart pounds in my chest,
I say things to make you comfortable,
but my soul finds no rest.
How can I tell you things
that are too sad to be told,
of the helplessness of holding a child
who in your arms grows cold?
Maybe you can tell me,
How should one behave,
who's had to follow their childs casket,
and watched it perched above a grave?
You cannot imagine
what it was like for me that day,
to place a final kiss upon that box,
and have to turn and walk away.
If you really love me,
and I believe you do,
if you really want to help me,
here is what I need from you.
Sit down beside me,
reach out and take my hand,
Say "My friend, I've come to listen,
I want to understand."
Just hold my hand and listen,
that's all you need to do,
And if by chance I shed a tear,
it's alright if you do too.
I swear that I'll remember
till the day I'm very old,
the friend who sat and held my hand,
and let me bare my soul.
RESOLUTIONS FOR GRIEVING PARENT
I will grieve as much and for as long as I feel like
grieving, and I will not let others put a time table
on my grief.
I will grieve in whatever way I feel like grieving,
and I will ignore those who try to tell me what I
should or should not be feeling and how I should or
should not be behaving.
I will cry whenever and wherever I feel like crying,
and I will not hold back my tears just because
Someone else feels I should be "brave" or "getting
better" or "healing by not."
I will talk about my child as often as I want to,
and that I will not let others turn me off just
because they can't deal with their own feelings.
I will not expect family and friends to know how I
feel, understand that one who has not lost a child
cannot possibly know how it feels.
I will not blame myself for my child's death, and I
will constantly remind myself that I did the best
job of parenting I could possible have done. But
when feelings of guilt are overwhelming, I will
remind myself that this is a normal part of the
grief process and it will pass.
I will not be afraid or ashamed to seek professional
help if I feel it is necessary.
I will commune with my child at least once a day in
whatever way feels comfortable and natural to me,
and that I won't feel compelled to explain this
communication to others or to justify - or even
discuss it - with them.
I will try to eat, sleep and exercise every day in
order to give my body strength it will need to help
me cope with my grief.
I will know that I am not losing my mind and I will
remind myself the loss of memory, feelings of
disorientation, lack of energy and a sense of
vulnerability are all normal parts of the grief
process.
I know that I will heal, even though it will take a
long time I will let myself hear and not feel guilty
about feeling better.
I will remind myself that grief process is
circuitous-that is, I will not make steady upward
progress. And when I find myself slipping back into
the old moods of despair and depression. I will tell
myself that "slipping backward" is also a normal
part of the grief process and these moods, too, will
pass.
I will try to be happy about something for some part
of every day, knowing that at first, I may have to
force myself to think cheerful thoughts so
eventually they can become a habit.
Even though my child is dead, I will opt for life,
knowing that is what my child would want me to do..
Author Unknown to Me
In the Twinkling of an Eye
No one feels the pain of a mother
whose felt the loss of a child.
Words can never express the agony
her heart has suffered and compiled.
And when violence is the reason
that her child had to die...
The world she knew crashes round' her,
